Actually thinking about my time spent in purgatory, aka “the service industry”, I had some wild fucking events over the course of a decade.
There was the time a bride decided she didn’t want to go through with the wedding and tried to make her escape through the back kitchens of the venue and wound up sitting out back in the drizzling rain, bumming cigarettes from the delivery drivers, pristine white dress turning to mulch as she sat on an over turned catering crate. After a good half hour the groom came and found her and asked if she was okay. When she said she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go through with it he just nodded and said she should get out the rain because it was cold. The two of them ended up going back inside together, skipped the wedding part and basically had the most expensive party of their lives with all their friends and family.
There was another bride who could never decide on place settings, so in the end just turned to the coordinator and said “surprise me”. So we mismatched everything and called it “boho chic”. She loved it.
There was the groom who got caught in our supply closet during the late night reception…with the best man. And then there was also the father of the bride who absconded with the mother of the groom and had to be asked nicely to put their clothes back on and get out of the wine cellar.
At the same wedding.
There was the drunk best man who proposed to me using an umbrella cocktail and told me he was heartbroken when I told him I was flattered but married. He wore it behind his ear the rest of the night dancing like a mad man and telling anyone who would listen about “the one that got away”.
There was the Indian wedding with 800 guests. We rotated them in batches of 200 to fit them between spaces. All I can remember is never having enough drinks to hand out.
There was the arch bishop who only liked his coffee ground by hand because the effort of the worker “made it taste better”.
There was the time I took out the crystal drop of a chandelier with a champagne cork because the runners shook up the bottles for a joke.
There was the funeral party where the body couldn’t be delivered to the crematorium because the crematorium caught on fire.
There was the other funeral where a fist fight broke out over something our Jeanie said to our Mary 40 years ago, but then it turned out Mary was the one who said it.
There was the wedding where in a room of 200 people, the bride and groom only had eyes for each other.
There was the christening where the godmother kept crying to me over mocktails because she never thought she could love something as much as she loved “that bald little head”.
There was the old man at the wedding who came alone and smiled very kindly at everyone and always said please and thank you and who told myself and a coworker he’d been married to his wife for over 60 years and how she would have loved to see these two finally tie the not. She’d only passed the week before. He’d brought a picture of her so she could enjoy it in spirit.
There was the really tragic funeral where everyone kept hugging each other and saying “I love you” and us staff had to take frequent breaks to breathe because grief is tangible but so is love.
There were the times when nothing in particular happened at all, but they stand out so much because everyone there was happy.
Of course there was also the times when someone threw up on your shoes, or you got groped while serving the table, or someone was rude or snide because you were “the help”.
People are wild.
I don’t know why I’m seeing notes for this post in 2025. Did it get TikTok’d?
My fellow American hobby bakers, demoralized by egg prices and scarcity and how you will make the American apple pie or the chocolate chip cookie, fear not. I have spent many years turning regular baking recipes vegan for my corrupt and traitorous sister who last week ate a salmon cream cheesed roll. There are many, many substitutes for eggs including but not limited to:
Mashed banana: best added to compliment flavors of whatever it is you’re baking (peanut butter, chocolate) make sure it’s MUSHY and ripe
Apple sauce: again, best with complimentary flavors (cinnamon, brown sugar) use unsweetened and have the rest as a snack
The big boy champ, ground flaxseed: flavorless, though it does darken your batter/ dough a bit. Bags found next to cornstarch and almond meal, etc. Instructions on how to use right on the bag! Make sure to let the flaxseed water combo sit in a separate bowl until it has the consistency of mucus 👍
Now with all of these you MUST add a bit more leavener, they don’t have the lil bit of lift eggs give, so make sure you add a touch more baking powder. Sort of ok for brownies and cookies if you want them a bit more dense but KEY for cakes, quick breads, muffins and other things like that or she is gonna be SQUIDGY 🫡
I’ve got one that works very well in most cookies, cakes, muffins, quickbreads, and similar. It came out of the Student’s Vegetarian Cookbook circa 2004,and I’ve been using it when baking for friends who are vegan, have egg allergies, or just when I’ve run out of eggs ever since.
Ingredients (per egg you’re replacing)
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
2 tbs flour (gluten free flour blends work just fine)
3 tbs water
Combine dry ingredients in small bowl. Add water. Stir well and not be alarmed when it fizzes up. Add it to the thing you are baking immediately – do not make in advance.
It’s very interesting to listen to history lectures that first say that there was no slavery at a certain period of time, and then follow it up with something like: “women didn’t have the right to marry at their free will, property was passed down from father to son…” and so on.
you are absolutely sure that there was no slavery, right?
And then they’ll insist that it wasn’t slavery because ‘slaves lacked legal personhood,’ but talk about how women couldn’t own property, join professional guilds, initiate litigation, vote, or maintain their citizenship upon marriage because 'their men did it on their behalf.’
and didn’t even have their own names at some points (not even a first name)
Tumblr posters/commenters are really hitting it out of the park for me today. Def a good day to come back.
Imagine being an cellular egg in your mother ovary when was a fetus in your grandmothers womb technically existing for several decades and then spending 9 months in your mother as a developing fetus yourself and having a man’s names given to you after birth
Conspiracy theory time. The reason good tech literacy stopped being taught in schools is simple. You don’t need good tech literacy to download a game or a movie, you do need it to pirate one. You don’t need tech literacy to sign up to something, you do need it to cancel. You don’t need tech literacy to accept the default settings which sell your data to everyone, you do need tech literacy to have a chance of navigating through the settings, though
Every person in a position of political power should have their daily needs matched to the lowest class of their country.
You make $6 an hour now, Mr. Congressman, and you’re not allowed to sit down or take breaks during your 7.5 hour daily shift. If you don’t like that, then you’re welcome to make some changes
This.
i’ve never understood being able to enact laws that will never impact you
It legitimately works. When politicians chose to live on the food stamp budget for their state they worked to increase the allotment after only a week of living that way.
And honestly? It should include having to spend time living on disability, navigating their district in a wheelchair, and taking public transit.
These people should have to live with their choices the same way they force us to live with them.
Politicians without empathy are identifying with billionaires over We The People.
The Class War is built on this moral disconnect.
Get millionaires beholden to billionaires out of politics.
They should do the food stamp budget for a month. One week is not long enough to feel the frantic despair of having $22.41 that either buys food or gas for the next 11 days until payday.
